Welcome to myBITCHIN' WEBSITE

FUCK CVRS AND FUCK THE TARGET HUNTERS OF STATION 147

Emory Torres

at your service

Tired of relying on a Public Deployment team that never shows up? Scared that one day they're gonna let you down when you need them most?

HIRE ME I'LL TREAT YOU RIGHT ▶

You are the 000042069 visitor to my site! NICE!!!

My Credentials

More Credentials if you're not convinced

!!! CVRS STAMP OF APPROVAL !!!

CVRS loves me and my methods so much they put my picture up ALL OVER Station 147. Don't read the fine print, just worry about how cool I look in that mugshot. If you talk to anyone from Station 147 about me, just remember: CVRS has a stick up their ass because they're tired of me making them look stupid. I wouldn't be doing this if they were better at their jobs!!! So in that way, I like to think CVRS is actually giving me their seal of approval to keep doing my thing since they refuse to git gud. YOUR MOM SUCK ME GOOD AND HARD THRU MY JORTS, STATION 147!!!!

CHECK OUT MY SICK AS FUCK SERVICES

Unscheduled
Suspension

FREE

If I see you in staging out in public and you don’t have any help, I’ll take the initiative and suspend the Branch so you can get some extra time to find help. And I’ll do that for free! When I drop your body off at CVRS they’ll give me a stipend, so don’t worry about trying to tip me! (a stipend is about $40 in case you’re curious)

Scheduled
Suspension

$75

If you know you’re probably gonna have a Branch happening soon and you don’t wanna commit it, we can meet in the alley behind the corner store whenever you want, and we can chainsmoke or eat hot chips until it happens. I won’t charge you if nothing ends up happening. I appreciate the company. I can bring a few joints and some hot chips, but it'd be nice if you brought one or two joints of your own. I’ll even take some of those shitty gummies. Don’t worry about the hot chips tho. I know a guy.

Observation

$150

If you’re not sure about your vice status, I can follow you around for a day and monitor your behaviors, read some vibes, and see what’s going on. I need about 6 hours minimum to get an accurate reading and at the end of the day I’ll give you my analysis. DISCLAIMER!!! I’m not psychic so I can’t be responsible if I end up being wrong. I’ll try my best tho! No refunds.

Suspension
Shadowing

$75

If you’re just curious about what I do, you’re welcome to tag along with me for a day as I do my rounds. I’ll probably give you some tips along the way, but if you want more in depth stuff, you gotta get the next package. I wouldn’t mind doing these for free but I gotta charge for them since I'm sorta putting myself at risk of being caught by an agent in disguise. You understand.

Suspension
Training

$300*

If you wanna learn how to suspend Branches like I do, I can take a day or two to teach you some cool tricks for summoning and wielding patches. So obviously you can only do this if you have your own patch. I’ll even track down some neat gear for you. This one’s a bit more expensive because I don’t want people doing this unless they’re real serious about it. Plus, it saturates the market so that’s why I take a commission, too. But hey, that’s the price of learning from the best!
* daily plus 5% suspended Branch commission

Gear Bundle

$50

If you’re already pretty good at suspensions but you’re looking for some gear, I can get some for you. Imma make you sign a waiver tho, because sometimes the gear doesn’t come from the most uhhhh sanitary places. I do try to clean them pretty good but I'm not a miracle worker. And sometimes I have to mess with the wiring to get them to work good, but I’m not an electrician either. Don’t worry tho, I’m usually very thorough!

Ready for me to rock your fucking world? EMAIL ME RIGHT NOW

Have my glorious services helped you?
Leave a comment!!

Message Board Comments: 9

floormanagerrami 2 weeks ago

Emory.
I'm being serious. This is all getting out of hand.
Rami

floormanagerrami 1 month ago

Emory, I know you can see my messages because all my coworkers can see them and they keep asking me about you. It's embarrassing! You know I'm still new in this role and I don't want any negative publicity. I can only protect you so much, and this website isn't helping your case. I can't believe you're offering services now. What on earth are you thinking? And stop ignoring me! It hurts my feelings.
Love, Rami

anon 1 month ago

does anyone in this thread smoke weed?

floormanagerrami 2 months ago

Hello again, Emory.
I'm not sure if you got my message earlier or not, but you need to take this website down. I had someone approach me at work asking if I knew you and you know I'm bad at lying.
Warm regards, Rami

floormanagerrami 3 months ago

Hi, Emory.
Please take this website down. If someone at CVRS sees it, you're going to get reported.
Much love, Rami

emoryisthebest 4 months ago

EMORY IS THE COOLEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET!!! they're so badass and really really good at being a target hunter!! no idea what the person below me is talking about, that doesn't sound like something emory would do.

anonymous 4 months ago

this bitch assaulted me in broad daylight and nothing was done about it. keep an eye out for this maniac if you're ever on 4th st downtown

emory88 5 months ago

Hi, Jessica. The infection from the rabies turned on a gene that makes me super smart and really cool, duh.

jessica82 5 months ago

A short, hyper kid approached me on the street and gave me a flyer that pointed to this website. I don't get it. Is this a joke? Why would I want to hire someone who has a gif saying they have rabies on their website.